Resiliency Training – Lesson 8, Acceptance
September 5, 2022
Welcome back to Resiliency Training - Lesson 8
It’s our final week of resiliency training and we are ending with a biggie – a game-changing practice that will forever shift your relationship with:
- ANXIETY
- STRESS
- OVERWHELM
- INSERT UNWANTED emotion, sensation, thought here
So far we’ve had a central focus on moving from the left side of our handy chart (right) to the right side – helping us deactivate our hijacked stress-mode nervous system response, to calm our minds, release stress & tension and find relief from overwhelm.
Can you befriend a foe? What if it lives inside of you?
I’m not sure if this is true for you, but I’d say I have a pretty negative relationship with anxiety, stress and overwhelm. When I experience these states, my instinct is to jump into action to get over it or fall into a funk of despair and depression.
Instead of jumping to action (fight), avoiding situations (flight) or being overcome (freeze), what if we made friends with this perceived enemy inside us?
Villainizing our own state of mind, feelings, or physical sensations creates an internal conflict and feelings of dis-ease within us. We’re literally fighting against a part of our own being. Welcoming this foe to our proverbial table can be a doorway into finding that sense of clarity, calm and confidence in our resilient state.
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What we resist, persists
Today we will break this narrative of ‘this state is bad’ and ‘this state is good’ not only logically, but as a felt experience within our bodies.
If you realize it or not, when you perceive any mental & emotional state as ‘bad’ – whether it be anxiety, stress, or overwhelm, or anything else you find undesirable – you enter into a destructive loop that goes something like this…
- You sense your mental and emotional state and label it: anxiety, stress or overwhelm
- Your brain has prior information on how to respond to this causing…
- A physiological response in your body…unclear thinking, tension, restriction
- Your brain remembers when your body has felt this way and thoughts and emotions arise like “I’m not ok! I can’t think! This sucks! What else can I do? Power through, get to work! Etc.”
- Repeat….repeat…repeat
By resisting the reality of what is, we are perpetuating a feedback loop that makes that very thing we don't like persist!
Break the cycle with acceptance
So far, all of the lessons we’ve learned in our Resiliency Training help us step outside of this cycle. But this lesson is different. Instead of stepping outside the cycle, we’ll find stillness and acceptance within the cycle.
We’re going to do something revolutionary and befriend anxiety, stress and overwhelm. Continue on to learn a game-changing move that will shift your relationship to any unwanted state and your relationship with yourself.
Resiliency Training #8 - Acceptance
Let’s dive right in and befriend the undesirable parts of ourselves with acceptance. This one is 100% experiential. In this guided practice we’re going to accept our triggered state.
acceptance - A Guided practice
Instructions:
- Step 1: Let’s practice acceptance. Bring to mind something you are experiencing right now that you are having a negative reaction to - something you don’t like or are judging as bad. And if you’re feeling great right now, recall a recent experience you can conjure up as if it’s happening now.
- Choose a specific:
- negative emotion
- undesirable mental state
- pain in your body
- unwanted thoughts
…something that you are resisting or having a negative reaction to.
- Step 2: Once you’ve selected what you want to work with, you’re going to allow yourself to fully be present with what is - that unwanted thing you are resisting and follow these prompts:
- Allow your reaction to be. Allow that sensation to be. Allow that thought to be. Just as it is. For about one minute.
- Sense what it feels like in your body – what is coming up? where do you feel the tension and resistance? Let it exaggerate itself so you can fully experience it and sense its edges. Where are the edges of the tense and restricted sensations?
- Now, instead of putting your energy into resisting it, allow your body to soften and surrender to it. Feel the edges of the areas of tension and restriction begin to soften.
- While keeping your awareness in your body, imagine you are sitting at your dining table and you invite this unwanted thing to your table to eat with you. Welcome it to your table. Allow it to sit down with you and just look at it….. Invite your body into feeling safe and cared for in this moment.
- Take 3 – 4 long slow deep breaths, and with every exhale imagine softening and surrendering to that feeling, that state of mind, that pain, or that thought. ….it is a part of you and it belongs…it cannot hurt you. It’s in need of your love…your compassion….and your acceptance.
- Now repeat after me as you look at your dinner guest…”I see you…you are a part of me…I will not abandon you…I accept you for who and what you are.” …
- Continue to breathe and examine your guest with compassion….look at it from all angles, turn it around to see the bottom, the sides, the top.
- And begin to sense the edges of it now. Allow yourself to soften and surrender once more as you take three long, slow deep breaths with your dinner companion.
- To close, wish them well with an offering, “I offer you my love. I offer you my compassion. You are a part of me and I accept you. I am whole.”
- Step 3: And with that, we are complete. Feel free to sit and work with this as long as is helpful.
Setting expectations
We’re not going for radical acceptance on the first try. Moving the needle to be just 10% more accepting is helpful in finding a more regulated state. Practicing acceptance after a triggering event may not equip you to move mountains, but it will begin to change your response patterns over time, reducing the number of times you get triggered and shortening the period of time it takes to recover from a triggering event.
Practice now, makes automatic habit later
Remember that all of our work together is regenerative – I’m teaching you the tools and practices that can help you, not only right now, but for all the days and challenges ahead of you. As a purpose-driven, change-maker, practicing these lessons now will help you easily reach for them in times of need as you lean into your leadership and impact.
I currently have 2 openings for new coaching clients & 1 opening for strategy clients – Learn More or Let’s Talk!
I’m offering a special 50% Friends & Family discount to all of you!
Mention promo code, F&FLAUNCH50. Offer through September 14, 2022.
Expand the circle
If you know of anyone else who could use help finding ways to overcome stress, overwhelm and burnout, please forward this blog onto them or send them this signup link. Reaching out to others is a great way to build community and connection. Here’s the sign up:
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Easy links to previous Resiliency Lessons 1 - 7
Wow, we’ve come a long way in 8 weeks in learning how to calm our nervous system! What has been your favorite experience so far? I’d love to hear from you – reply to this email with any words, phrases or take-aways!
- The Resiliency Shift (Lesson #1)
- Breath (Lesson #2)
- Gratitude (Lesson #3)
- Sound (Lesson #4)
- Movement (Lesson #5)
- Nature (Lesson #6)
- Awe & Wonder (Lesson #7)
- Acceptance (Lesson #8 - this one!)
Wishing you freedom, growth & joy,
what clients are saying
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